Dear Microsoft Windows Update Developers…

What is it with you people?

Why on earth are Windows machines so horrible to update?

No, really. Why?

I’ve got a simple Windows 10 laptop that I have complained about before. Right now it is sitting in on my desk, powered on, trying to install something called the “2018–04 Cumulative Update for Windows 10 Version 1709 for x64-based Systems (KB4093105)”. There are two other updates stacked up behind that waiting to install.

That first update, though, also says this: “Preparing to install — 0%”. And it’s said that for some time now.

Past experience tells me that if I wait long enough it will eventually do the installation, but how long is a good question. No clue.

And of course, when I first booted the machine this morning my antivirus software was out of date as well. So it wanted to update itself — and required a reboot — as the Windows update system was trying to figure out what to update and download that.

Thus far I think I’m 30 minutes into this process and I’ve had that level of collision and one reboot.

Oh! Look! now that first update is downloading. Again. It did that before, but now it has to do it again. Don’t ask me why. There is, of course, no status to indicate what is going on, or why.

I run Linux on my day to day computer. It does most everything I need it to do just fine. And updates take a trivial amount of time. It can download and install an entirely new kernel in minutes. Poof. Done. That’s FOSS software, Microsoft, with a much smaller budget than you have, and far fewer resources.

So, tell me why Windows Update is the massive PITA that it is. Please.

I honestly hate booting this machine up anymore. I have to, from time to time. (Today it’s because I was given an encrypted USB drive and that needs Windows to extract the data on it. Why it’s encrypted I honestly don’t know. The data doesn’t need encryption, but such is life. So I wait through this interminable boot/update/reboot/update process until the machine is actually usable again.)

I should charge MS for my time while this is going on. Even at minimum wage it would be a nice bump in my income.

Oh! Look! 84% downloaded. I’ve finished writing this and done an editing pass at it. My network connection downloads at 75 MB per second, so the problem isn’t there. And the machine is otherwise doing nothing except running Windows and an anti-virus.

It’s a waste of good silicon.

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Written by

Sculptor/Artist. Former programmer. Former volunteer firefighter. Former fencer. Weirdest resume on the planet, I suspect.

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