December 8, 2023 — Los Colores
The past week was mostly uneventful. Lots of the overhead of life with little of note to show for it. Sometimes things are like that. We were expecting visitors but a number of events — including an atmospheric river and a cancellation at their previous stop — worked together to cause them to change their itinerary. Next time.
So in general I’ve been lazy. I know some of you think I am more than a bit crazy in regards to how much I work at various things. (One of you once quipped that I could make a job sleep testing mattresses into a high stress occupation. You know who you are.) Right now that doesn’t seem to be the case, but I will get back to my usual self at some point. There are definitely things to do, but applying gobs of drywall mud and doing more painting is probably going to wait for the new year.
But despite my less than productive state, I still have something to write about this week. It’s just different.
Recent events with our elderly dog, Cruzer, mean that I regularly finish my sleep in a chair downstairs. He often gets up between 5 and 7 am to go outside, and once up he has to eat his breakfast. If not tended to, or if left alone at that point, he cries so pitifully that sleep is impossible. (These are the joys of living with some elderly canines. I do my best to treasure it because he probably won’t be around all that much longer.) Anyway, once he’s been taken care of and I collapse in a chair, I find myself dozing — not really sleeping — until whenever I finally get up. And because there are a number of light sources in the living room, I wear a sleep mask. It’s in that state I notice things I might not otherwise pay attention to: noises, temperature changes, dogs unwilling or unable to settle, and — most important to this missive — colours.
A quick search of the internet tells me I am not abnormal (at least not in general). It’s common to see colours when you rub your eyes. They’re called phosphenes, and it seems they are caused by mechanical stimulation of the photo receptors in the retina. Note that other — more serious — issues can cause one to see similar lights. A tear in the retina can cause such things, and migraine sufferers who experience auras might also see something similar. I’m no doctor, but I suggest you see one if your experience of these things is new or changes.
Back to the colours: I’m interested in how they are perceived, largely because my own experience with them has changed over the years. When I was a kid, the colours were quite bright. They moved and flowed against a black background and it seemed they could go on forever. Or at least, that’s how I remember them. They appeared easily, and even if I relaxed and there was no pressure on my eyes they continued as long as I looked for them. Were those psychosomatic? I don’t know.
Then at some point they went away. I don’t recall seeing them for a long time, and I have no idea why that happened.
But in the last year or so, they have returned. Or perhaps I just started noticing them again for some reason. Oddly, they came back in monochrome grey. That’s what started me thinking about them in more depth. Why was I only seeing white and grey on black instead of the various colours I used to see?
At first it bothered me, but eventually I started to see some colours again: reds and blues in particular. Not as much as when I was a kid, and probably not as vivid, but some. And sitting there in the chair, with the mask on and at least one dog snoring in the room with me, I can play with them a bit. Just by thinking about it I can sometimes make the colours appear when only grey first appeared.
Oh, and don’t worry about me. I get my eyes examined annually and I’m fine: no retinal damage and no migraines.
But what is going on? Why did they disappear and return? And why the switch to monochrome? I may never know, but some of you might have similar experiences. Do you see colours when you squeeze your eyes closed at night? If so, has it changed over time? What do they look like?
I wish I could paint or animate something like what I see. The image above is somewhat similar, but far from perfect. And in any case a single still image doesn’t do my experience justice.
That’s it for this week. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to tell me what you see when you squeeze your eyes shut when you go to sleep at night. I’m honestly curious about these things and how my experience differs from that of others.
I look forward to hearing from you!